The Brave Joy of
Cottonwood Fluffs
I twirl and dance in the courtyard
at the center of my college apartment complex.
My quarry: the fluffs, floating tantalizingly close to my fingertips.
I run and leap to catch them,
save them in a baggy,
unknown seeds of brave joy.
"Cottonwoods," my then-fiance, now-husband said.
"I'm allergic. Don't bring them near me; I'll sneeze."
He's allergic to cats too. Cats and cottonwoods.
Yet, he married me.
​
"My little Cottonwood," Grandmama says fondly.
She is my angel ancestor.​
Her tree is surely the solid pine.
Cottonwood?​
How could she call me a cottonwood?
​
I video the crash of the cottonwoods with my phone
because I cannot behold it with my eyes.
"Oh yes, cut them all down," I'd said
with all the confident bluster of a first-time homeowner.
My husband thought it was a bad idea.
I insisted.
The one by the fence.
The one by the woodshed.
When their bodies lay on the ground.​
I knew I'd been wrong.​
​
The fence fell.
The cottonwood had been holding it up.
The grass in the backyard died.
The other cottonwood had shaded it.
One cottonwood remained. The one in the front yard.
She stood, sentinel,
outside my bedroom window
The whole time I wrote Starling Warrior.
​
Cottonwoods are the fastest growing tree.
The solitary pioneer by the prairie river.
Somehow, a forest grows from her.
​
Those fluffs I'd chased and saved years before,
my soul greeted
a part of itself,
coming home
Those fluffs are how
cottonwoods grow
where no other
tree dares.
"Welcome to my family, Little Cottonwood,"
Grandmama whispers.
Symbol of the Cottonwood
Someone was gifted a cottonwood tree. They were delighted.
Then they began to research.
Weed tree.
Not sturdy.
They turn to an internet forum for help.
​
I read about the cottonwood, and I read my own story.
The sexual abuse survivor.
Ah.
What if this passage had been written about survivors instead of trees?​
​
"The negative aspects you've read about Cottonwood are not merely opinions, I'm afraid. They are truly considered a trash tree species. About the best thing that you can get most experts to say about them is that they make good pulp wood.
Hope that the seedling you've received is a male, because it is the females that can be so messy. All cottonwoods are short lived, weak wooded, disease and insect prone, shallow rooted, etc. They can be considered a real liability to your property value.
No one can advise you against planting this tree, but just don't install it near your home or in any location it can become a hazard in the future."
Enough.
I've talked about myself like this long enough.
I will grow,
arms toward the sun,
Fast, fast, fast, fast, fast
Messy.
A pioneer towards the sun.
The fallen wood of the cottonwood
feeds the seedlings of
pines and oaks to come.
I'm Here
A lone Cottonwood by the riverbank sings:
"The forest, the forest all around grows so tall!"
​
A man passes by this lone prairie tree.
"Are you crazy, Cottonwood?
There ain't no forest here.
Ain't never gonna be."
​
Cottonwood looks about her,
Fluffy seedlings flying from her shaking head.
She laughs.
"What on earth do you mean there's no forest?
I'm here."